Here’s a 25-year-old story. A very healthy and talented student decided to end her life for reasons unknown. We were not in the same school. She was the daughter of my relative who used to score good marks. She was more interested in mathematics and science while I was not much inclined towards these subjects. Our marks were also different.
We knew each other since childhood. We were close relatives. When she took that step no one was there at home. Her behavior didn’t give any hint that she was upset. It was possible that she felt hurt for something. It was her nature to speak her mind and fight back. We all have our own unique nature, just like plants. Some have fruits, some are like cactus and some blossoms flowers.
Her father was proud of her. I met him whenever I went to Bhopal. Later, I developed a good understanding with him. His inner emptiness is permanent. His deep spiritual interests saved his family from shattering to a large extent. This was the first instance of any suicide in my life. Before that, I only used to hear about it.
After applying my full energy I could only understand that something hurt her so deeply that she may have felt that the life is worthless. It is not necessary that one who secures good marks will be solid and strong from inside, though he may appear a successful person. It’s also not necessary that person who is successful in our eyes is happy in his own eyes. Had it been so, why successful and talented people would have committed suicide?
After that, I found two young people committing suicide, who looked very happy from outside.
These three people belonged to the age group where spring sprouts, waves surge. Heart weaves new dreams.
Those who have come back from the brink of the suicide tell us that strong resentment, momentary anger, obstinacy to teach someone a lesson, ego, broken string of love, disturb heart so much that it gets out of control. If somehow these two-four minutes are taken care of, danger can be evaded.
We all have read Chekhov’s stories. In one of his stories, a coachman tries to get rid of his burdens, mountains of sorrow by telling them to his horse. Think of his mental condition. Nobody is there around him so he unburdened his heart by telling his story to a horse.
Our heart is like a dark cave. If we do not have lights of strong company, colors of strong faiths, we don’t have the confidence to deal things properly. Everything is essential in life, but nothing is more than life.
I have seen in those eyes. I have seen several layers of sorrow in parents of the children who die in front of them. The flame of life keeps getting weak. They live their whole life like cursed people, trying to find answers.
Life is bigger than everything. It is more than any insult, sorrow, pain. Those questions which can’t be solved while being alive, can’t be answered after death either. The world which you could not change during your life, how it can be changed after death. Suicide is a punishment for those you love.